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Pakistan Has Weapons of Mass Destruction!

Those swarthy bastards have something to hide, I just know it. I thought Pakistan was our friend. Apparently not. Maybe Israel is our only friend. Well that’s just FINE! It’s us two against the world. We can take ‘em!

Those backstabbing Pakistanis won’t let us into their country to look for Osama bin Laden?!? The neverending search for Osama is the lynchpin of our Plan for World Domination Global War on Terror. We don’t want to find him, of course (is he even still alive?). We just need to keep pointing to him, keep the population riled up, and keep pretending we’re still looking for him.

This famous lesson from Hermann Goering has been our inspiration for the past seven years:

“Naturally the common people don’t want war: Neither in Russia, nor in England, nor for that matter in Germany. That is understood. But, after all, IT IS THE LEADERS of the country who determine the policy and it is always a simple matter to drag the people along, whether it is a democracy, or a fascist dictatorship  , or a parliament, or a communist dictatorship . Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is TELL THEM THEY ARE BEING ATTACKED, and denounce the peacemakers for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. IT WORKS THE SAME IN ANY COUNTRY.”

And Boy Howdy does it work! Yeehaw! Whenever anybody questions why we’re occupying so many countries and bankrupting our own government, we have our Talking Points at the ready. “9/11.” “Soft on Terrorism! “Surrender Monkey!” “Why do you hate your own country?”

Works every time. Those liberals are scared shitless to say anything. They know we’ll bombard them with names and innuendos, and they can’t seem to think of any comebacks. So they just cower silently. Teeheeheehee hee.

But the cornerstone of this plan is: we need a villain. Eastasia! Oceana! Osama bin Laden! We’re gonna find you Goddamnit! Wanted Dead or Alive! You can run but you can’t hide!

And now Pakistan is wrecking the Game Plan by saying we can’t send troops into their country to search for, uh, the Cisco Ki— I mean, the Reichstag, uhh, oh come on…Osama bin Laden, that’s it. Pervez Musharraf actually said “I challenge anybody coming into our mountains. They would regret that day.”

What?!?!?!?! After everything we’ve done for those towelheads, and this is how they pay us back??? That does it. They’re in our crosshairs now! Don’t worry, it’ll be a cakewalk.

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2 Responses to “Pakistan Has Weapons of Mass Destruction!”

  1. tom..are you suggesting some type of insanity here? reminds me of a song.

    One Tin Soldier
    by Lambert-Pott er

    Listen, children, to a story
    That was written long ago,
    ‘Bout a kingdom on a mountain
    And the valley-folk below.

    On the mountain was a treasure
    Buried deep beneath the stone,
    And the valley-peopl e swore
    They’d have it for their very own.

    So the people of the valley
    Sent a message up the hill,
    Asking for the buried treasure,
    Tons of gold for which they’d kill.

    Came an answer from the kingdom,
    “With our brothers we will share
    All the secrets of our mountain,
    All the riches buried there.”

    Now the valley cried with anger,
    “Mount your horses! Draw your sword!”
    And they killed the mountain-peo ple,
    So they won their just reward.

    Now they stood beside the treasure,
    On the mountain, dark and red.
    Turned the stone and looked beneath it…
    “Peace on Earth” was all it said.

    Go ahead and hate your neighbor,
    Go ahead and cheat a friend.
    Do it in the name of Heaven,
    You can justify it in the end.
    There won’t be any trumpets blowing
    Come the judgement day,
    On the bloody morning after….
    One tin soldier rides away.

  2. Swarthy??? really Mr. Harper.

    By the way is rather gosh and full of falsehoods someone should really godwin you for getting the Goering fron a bunch of Neo-dumbasse s - I would - if I didn’t believe that the Godwin theory wasn’t proposed to prevent people from talking about relevant historical comparisons.   Its an old lesson at any rate Sophocles said it better and before Goering. In most translations of the Antigone there is a passage that reads to the effect of , “How proud the city stands with an enemy at the gates.”…feel free to Zeuswin me if you feel the need…

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