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North Korean Nuclear Agreement Leaves Vacancy in Axis Of Evil

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In return for North Korea’s agreement to take further steps to eliminate that country’s nuclear program, the United States has indicated that it may remove North Korea from it’s official list of countries that sponsor terrorism, a sign that would surely also remove North Korea from the vaunted Axis of Evil club that President Bush created in 2001. If, as it appears likely, Kim Jong-Il follows the example set by Libya’s Moammar Qhaddafi and relinquishes his push for WMD programs, this would mark the second time a country has dropped out of the Axis Program. (The first would be Iraq, which did not leave the club voluntarily, but was bludgened out of it. Insiders in Iraq claim that many local populations say that there should have been a vote after the removal of Saddam on whether the remaining country wanted to discard their membership in the Axis Program or continue on with a new titular head. Unfortunatel y, at the time, the U.S. wasn’t accepting application into the program.)

Insiders at the White House and State Department say that in light of recent events in the North Korean negotiations  , there is considerable concern that the Axis Program will fade away unless new members can be recruited. Of critical concern to the president is the possibility that a shrinking Axis of Evil Program may weaken his ability to lash out at his political detracators and that his pet project, The Global War On Terror (TM) would lose considerable backing among his own supporters without a full contingent of Axis partners.

Iran, the last active member of the original Axis of Evil, has reportedly responded to the Help Wanted Ad (seen above and printed in most of the world’s main newspapers) in a manner befitting their status as ranking Evil Nation. Iranian president Mahmoud Amedinejad was overheard saying that if he’s not consulted about potential new members that he would discontinue his hard-line rhetoric and consider withdrawing his country from the program altogether. Apparently, Amedinejad is concerned that future Axis Program members may be mere “shadows of great tyrants. There are too many despot-wanna be’s out there trying to claim a piece of the action. I want veto power over any new applicants or I will bring fire and death to the world. And then I’ll quit the club too. Praise Allah.”

President Bush is expected to announce that filling the vacant positions in the Axis Program is his new top priority. He has created a committee to provide him with a list of names of those tyrants best suited to the task. Vice-Preside nt Dick Cheney will lead that committee, in part because he has the experience in such matters. After all, he did a fantastic job in a similar situation when he compiled the short list of running mates for then-governo r Bush, ultimately deciding upon himself as the best of the best. Insiders speculate that Cheney may decide on a repeat performance. An unidentified source in the VP’s office claims to have heard Cheney muttering something about needing a new job in a year or so.

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4 Responses to “North Korean Nuclear Agreement Leaves Vacancy in Axis Of Evil”

  1. Funny stuff…I think having Iran in the Axis of Evil is more than enough for our country right now; we don’t need any additional members :)

  2. And in another stunning development, New York Senator and Democratic Presidential candidate Hillary Clinton was rumored to have muttered something about the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy (TM) undermining her husband’s empty agreements with North Korea, the ones never ratified by the Senate, stating:

    Lousy, goddamn Bush, daring to try to fix a problem created by my twenty-timin g husband, who was only trying to appear to be doing something with nuke proliferatio ns even though everyone know he wasn’t going to do…

    Her statement ended incoherently  ; then, with the whites of her eyes showing, she let out a blood-curdli ng cackle before turning around and walking back to her office, head hung down.


  3. Nice addition to the post SteveIL.

  4. Speaker of the house, Nancy Pelosi, nominated the Ottoman Empire for a place on the list of evil empires for it’s genocide of Armenians during WWI. When reminded that the Ottoman Empire went out of existence more than 80 years ago, Nancy was quoted as saying, “Oh, well, never mind.”

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